MEN ARE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, WOMEN ARE FROM COLLEGE

What do “chanukad jamaas” say is an important quality in a She? Intelligence. Well, I have recently realized that we are deluded. Forget Mars. Forget Venus. Men are from high school and women are from college. Why do I say this? Is it something having to do with perceived differences in maturity levels? Not in the slightest. It all has to do with the simple fact that women are smarter than men.

Think about it Jamaas. How do you make your muscles stronger? Exercise them . Our brains are the same way. But when it comes to so many things in life, men’s brains are warming the bench while women’s brains are getting a full cardiovascular workout.

Men have ONE shoe size. Ask one Archer, he wears size 13. Simple. And his She?… well it depends. Am sure she is  like an astrologer doing a natal chart on the shoe. Where was it made? Who made it? Was it made in the winter or spring? What was the geographic elevation of the shoe factory? Was the leather from a happy or a sad cow? Eventually she finds some imported  stilettos at Sunbeam and the shoe-shopping mission has been completed.

Modoathii  what’s your trouser size? You’ll say 32:30 or 34:32 or something simple, basically the waist and inseam. But ask your She… “I’m a size 5 on the eighth day of every third month when it’s not raining. Eish these women!

And let’s not even get into colours. We men are not unfamiliar with the fact that there are multiple shades and can probably tell 4-5 different ones in each main colour group. But women make us look like simpletons. They carry portable physics labs with them and can apparently discern a variation of one hertz in the spectrum of visible light. What’s the difference between eggshell white and bone white? Hell if I know, but my She does.

Think of certain words you’d probably never have heard if not for women.  taupe, mauve, lavender These are not words that come naturally to the dudes  vocabulary. They are inserted there after associating with women, sort of like the medical terms you know from watching “ER.” Sure, you can say them and sound cool, but damned if you know what they actually mean.

And don’t get me started on purses. Go ahead, ask any woman why men don’t carry purses. She’ll turn into a Naomi Campbell mad at her maid. “You want a purse? You want a purse? You can’t handle a purse!” And you know what? She’s right. We can barely handle briefcases. That’s why every article of our clothing has a pocket. But still, even with just a couple of pockets, like if you’re wearing jeans and a t-shirt, you will at some time or another become an amateur cop. Just observe yourself the next time you can’t find your keys. As you start looking around the room, you’ll do a pat-down search. Essentially, you’re frisking yourself.

But a woman just throws every item she comes across during her day into her purse. My mama used to have this huge purse when I was a kid. I stared into that black hole once. There were receipts, business cards,  a five-year supply of peremende… I just figured that Mom was God in training. She was collecting matter until she had enough for another big bang and then she was going to start her own universe.

In fact, the bigger her purse, the smarter a woman is. That’s why most women don’t start carrying the really big purses until they’re married, because they don’t want to scare off any easily manipulated Jamaa until they’ve got him. Bomseh,  do you have ladies with big purses there in the BT? Hell No, unless she is planning to shuka the BT for a night in  some lucky Jamaa’s crib. Inside the  big purse would probably be a  bra and a thong to change the next morning before she panda the BT again.

So the next time one of you BT dudes says an important quality in a woman is intelligence, just face it… if she can dress herself with a modicum of class and colour coordination, and she carries a purse , she’s not only intelligent, she’s smarter than you. And if you should somehow end up getting the impression she’s not intelligent enough… that just means she doesn’t like you.